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| Today (being the 28th) I woke up to my mom crying. We had gotten a call
from the vet. Luckys kidneys and liver where already almost dead.
Knowing Lucky was in pain, mom had to make a phone call.
Today at 11 am, we had to put her down after being with us for 15 years.
It
was so hard to watch. She was falling apart fromt he start, but today,
she couldn't even relax...she knew something was wrong. Lucky had been
slowly loseing her ablity to walk, see, and in the past three days, she
had hardly ate or drank anything, and was throwing up everything she
did eat. She didn't even have enough energy to go outside. She couldn't
walk across a slippry floor like tile or hardwood without he rback hips
going out from under her. She was just so tired, and we couldn't stand
watching her suffer like that anymore.
We brought her to the
vet, they took us to a nice room, and brought he rin back to put a
cathader in her leg for the shot that woudl end it all. While she was
back there, I was trying to hold myself together and comfort mom. She
was cryng abou how she loved Lucky, liek I didn't love her just the
same. She told me she would now be truely alone, because I wasn't the
same as I was before. I knew most of this was from the sadnes of
knowing our dog would be no longer with us in less then five minuets.
Something that had been part of our world for fifteen years. A nurse
had to carry Lucky back in because her hips kept falling out from under
her. She was shakeing and so afriad. mom and I at with her, andmom
placed Lucky's head in her lap. The docoter came in and while we where
talking to Lucky, she gave her two shots. All I could do was pet her
paw with the catherder in it and try to keep from makeing noise while I
cired. Mom was talking to Lucky, and I didn't want to take that from
her. Less then two minuets latter, she was gone...
I felt my
whole body clam up as you could see the life leave her eyes. I wanted
to hold her one last time, even if her soul wasn't with her anymore
after she died. However, mom had to leave, she couldn't handle it. So
we got up, and I left the room last, looking back at her body laying on
the floor on a blanket, as if she where simply sleeping, and might pop
her head up at any momment seeing as mom and I were leaveing the room.
But I knew that wasn't going to happen.
Mom cired the whole way
home, and I kept trying to tell her things to make her feel better.
Anyhing I said though was stupid, or I didn't understand how SHE felt.
We got home and all I wanted to do was call Jon and bawl my eyes out. I
tried to make lunch first though, and called mom's friend Muffy and let
her know my om was in rough shape and would need a friend. I got ahold
of Jon, and we talked for a bit, but I still felt like I just wanted to
curl up in my bed and not come out.
Trevor and Beth, seeing how
hurt I was feeling, took me out or a picnic in Pamprein park. I felt a
sink every time I saw another dog. We had lunch on a blanket, and
watched some Larp(Live Action Role Play)ers. We drove Beth to work,
trevor came and hung out, watched happy feet, went to get Beth, went to
the BlackStone for dinner on Beth, and then to Trevors. Ened up comeing
hme because seeing Trevors dog Coco really was hurting me. Now I'm home
and kinda crying whiel I write this.
Anyone who thinks animals
don't have souls can kiss my fucking ass from now on. It was so hard
watching the life fade from a firend, no, a family member who had lived
with me, been there for me, and dispite her quirks, did her job as a
family dog abve and beyond wonderful that I CAN'T belive people would
tell me animals don't have souls, and they can't truely feel.
I
walked into moms room to get some sheets and I saw her blanket on the
ground. I caught myself wondering where she was, and just expecting her
to be there. it took me a momment, but it clicked she was gone. I left
some pizza on the couch when I talked to Jon, and when I came back into
the house, I ran for it because Lucky might get it, only to stop
halfway and realize that there isn't a little black and white dog going
for whaterver food left out. That my friend of fifteen years is really,
truly gone.
We are getting her ashes back in a few eeeks, and we
are going to scatter them around the cottage area. She liked it up
there best of all when she had enough in her to run through the woods,
swim in the water, chase bunnies and squirls, and maybe take off after
a random dear for awhile to come troting back an hour latter.
She
had moved with us from Oxford, to Grande Oaks, to Bemeart, and finaly
here to the house on Argonne. This month marks the actual 15 year ani
of us getting her, as we got her in april. She lived along life, as she
was about a year old when we got her. However, that doesn't make it
feel any better that she is gone.
Sorry if I have been short
with aonyone as of late...I was trying to hide how much Lucky dieing
before my eyes was really hurting me in day to day life. I'm warning
everyone I might be a little tender, anitsocial, and depressed if I
talk to you...but mainly...I think I need a hug.
I'm glad you
can finaly rest now Lucky. You were tired and in agony, but now your
pain is gone. I hope wherever you are out there, your are happy, know
that we miss you, and will always love you. | | |
| ..or at least thats how it seems....
Life has been ok I guess. I have yet to find a job. I wish I was lucky and had firends that could get me hred, or moms and dads who owned their own places so I could get a job there. As it sits right now I have been here aabot two weeks, and only one bite on a job. Not cool.
| | |
| This was in one of the shitty chain letter things....but it kinda made me choke up a bit when I saw it. Felt a need to share it, even if it is a bit sappy. I feel very sappy right now...Dani needs a hug...
one boy
and one girl,
Each waking moment
since the
day they met.
They both loved each other
sunrise to sunset.
He was all she had
in her terrible life.
He was the one
who kept her from her knife.
She was his angel,
she made him smile.
Though life threw him curves,
she made it all worth while.
Then one day
things went terribly wrong.
The next few weeks
were like a very sad
song.
He made her jealous
on purpose he tried.
When the girl asked, "Do you love her?"
on purpose he lied.
He played with jealousy
like it was a game.
Little did he know
Things would never be the same.
His plan was working
but he had no clue.
How wrong things would go,
the damage he would do.
One night she broke down,
feeling very
alone.
Just her and the blade,
no one else home.
She dialed his number,
he answered, "Hello"
She told him she loved him
and hung up the phone.
He raced to her
house
just a minute too late.
Found her lying in blood,
her heart
had no rate.
Beside her was a note,
in it her confession.
Her love for this boy,
her only obsession.
As he read the note,
he knelt down and cried.
Grabbed her knife,
that night they both died.
She was found in his arms,
both of them dead.
Under her
note
his handwriting said:
"I loved her
so, she never knew.
All this time
I loved her
too." | | |
| So, what to say.
Moveing up to green bay this week....not much else. Going to be gettin g ajob, a car...most likely never going to see or hear from anyone untill their life fucks up and they need soemone to run to to make them feel better. You know, same old right?
Thinking about moveing back to chicago with Chirs and sara when I get the cash. I don't want to stay in green bay, i have no reason really.
bah..i wish I could sleep...*snuggles up next to fatch* night
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